Bringing Stability for Better Sex
Balancing Each Partner's Base Chakra for Greater Joy & Pleasure
May 13, 2008
In the mind/body psychology, different parts of the body stand for different spiritual, mental, and emotional states. In the region of the base of the spine lies the base (or root) chakra (a vortex that moves energy into and out of the body). The energy flow in this part of the body impacts people's capacity to feel grounded, stable, and to make a committment to themselves and others in either a healthy or unhealthy way.
The Importance of a Healthy Base Chakra for Ecstatic Sex
One of the reasons ecstatic sex happens only with committed couples is precisely because commitment allows each individual to feel safe and secure in the sexual interaction enough to allow them to more deeply relax in each other's presence. Though it is possible to feel safe and secure to some degree during a junk food sex encounter, it is impossible to do more than experience this at a superficial level, because a high degree of trust involves a long-term experience with another individual where that person's trustworthiness is proven over time.
When One or More Partners Doesn't Feel Safe and Secure
When either (or both) partners don't feel safe and secure in the relationship it begins to impact the quality of their relationship and sex lives as well. Remember, ecstatic sex is intended at the advanced stages to become ecstatic love.
How can anyone feel loved if they feel...
- Insecure
- Betrayed
- Lacking in trust
- Afraid
After all, trust is the foundation of a relationship. If it is shattered because one or both partners fails to trust, feels betrayed, or lives in fear of the other the relationship exists on very shakey ground indeed!
Over-Protection as a Compensation for Not Being Rooted
There are two ways people tend to go when they lose the feeling of security in a partnership. They will either over-protect or withdraw from what is happening in the relationship. If a partner feels the need to over-protect due to a lack of security and safety one typical response is to gain weight as means of coping.
Partners may gain weight because they are:
- Eating comfort foods since the relationship no longer brings safety and security
- Not speaking about the feeling of insecurity and lack of trust they have with each other
- Feeling overwhelmed by the demands the world is currently placing on them to be secure
Other ways partners may over-protect include:
- Becoming overly involved in work to build a sense of security and satisfaction there
- Shifting the focus to making money and buying lots of stuff so they have that safety somewhere
- Behaving in ways that are controlling and critical to compensate for feeling on shakey ground.
Withdrawal as a Compensation for Not Being Rooted
In the case of withdrawal due to not feeling safe and secure partners will take a different approach. Instead of "hanging in there" in the relationship, but sublimating their safety needs in the manners spoken of above, they will find ways to escape from the relationship in riskier ways that might jeopardize what little safety and security there is in the relationship to begin with.
Primary ways partners may withdraw include:
- Shutting off sex for extended periods of time (months to years even)
- Running off to have affairs (junk food sex) with other people
- Withholding affection and money as a way of getting revenge for feeling insecure
- Becoming increasingly depressed, sick, and debilitated
Healing the Base Chakra of a Relationship
Obviously, the primary focus needs to be on rebuilding trust. Typcially, this is best done in counseling with a qualified therapist or relationship counselor. The reasons that trust has been broken may be due to something that has happened inside the relationship, but it may be related to issues from the past (childhood, previous relationships) as well. Isolating what has caused the trust to break is only the first step. The next step involves specifically naming what will rebuild trust and taking all steps necessary to correct this.
Steps may involve:
- Making a commitment to heal physically and to improve the level of energy, youth, and vitality
- Caring again about being attractive for oneself and one's partner
- Taking time to put finances in order to build a more secure future
- Cutting back on over-expenditures or excessivye spending that create insecurity
- Sitting less and moving more through various forms of exercise
- Cutting off any outside affairs or commitments (like work) that substract from safety and security in the relationship
- Learning to be affectionate again by going back to the beginning stages of ecstatic sex
