Christian Confrontations Differ From Judging
Biblical Guidelines for Believers who Hold Each Another Accountable
Sep 15, 2009
Christian confrontation is not just nitpicking from the sidelines, but two or more believers who know each other sharing honestly, talking about the tough stuff. Confronting another Christ-follower should not be confused with judging someone who is not a Christian.
Judging a Non-Believer is not the Same as Confronting a Fellow Christian
Just after giving his astonishing “Sermon on the Mount,” (Matthew 5-6 ) according to a modern version of the Bible, The Message, Jesus said, “Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults – unless, of course, you want the same treatment." (Matthew 7:1) The more familiar King James Version says, "Judge not that you be not judged.”
Jesus was very careful to distinguish between the way he treated religious people and ordinary folk. When the woman who was caught in adultery was brought before Jesus, Jewish law required she be stoned. Jesus’ behavior set a clear example of love when he said to those who brought her, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone,” and her accusers left.
Yet when his beloved disciples did something contrary to Jesus’ teachings, he did not ignore it. Jesus responded, sometimes with a gentle chiding word, sometimes a stronger rebuke or reprimand, but his correction always matched the severity of the infraction.
For example, in Luke 8:22-25, the disciples and Jesus were in a ship on the lake. Jesus fell asleep. A sudden, violent storm created huge waves that began to flood the ship which made the disciples fear for their lives so they woke Jesus. He ordered the wind and waves to be calm and then gently inquired of his friends, “Why can't you trust me?” (Luke 8: 25, The Message)
In another case that is recorded in two of the synoptic gospels, Jesus had just told his disciples that he would soon suffer many things and then be killed and, after three days, he would rise again. Peter, always quick to respond, began to rebuke Jesus saying it wouldn’t happen. Jesus reprimanded Peter saying, “Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me...” (Matt 16:23 also Mark 8:33).
Knowing the difference between Christian confrontation and judging is essential to all believers. Adeptly handling the confrontations that must necessarily occur between imperfect people who are called to live holy lives requires Christian maturity and God-given tact and discernment.
Guidelines for Confronting Fellow Believers from Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians
Use caution when it is necessary to confront someone. Remember that the purpose is to help and heal, not harm. Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians has many principles about confrontation. Here are some of the golden nuggets that have been mined from the Bible, primarily Second Corinthians.
- Bathe the situation and people in prayer before doing anything else.
- Confront only regarding clearly defined Scriptural mandates, using what Jesus said or did as a model. Some things in Scripture are suggested as helpful but are not required.
- Don’t confront with an attitude of superiority – everyone has imperfections, makes mistakes and gets ill.
- Be certain of the facts, clarify them with the person being confronted. There’s no substitute for honesty. Be prepared to answer questions accurately.
- Validate the person’s worth; and, affirm all the good that they do.
- When drawing the line between right and wrong, be gentle and speak kindly, motivated by love. This does not mean be soft on sin, be firm!
- Follow up! Confrontation usually requires involvement in someone’s life which is an ongoing process.
- Usually confrontation should be between people who have a previously-established relationship.
- Discipline is the last resort and should not be the decision of just one person.
Confrontation requires the maturity to not allow emotional situations become destructive. Paul admonished the church in Corinth for not confronting one of the men of the church for his immoral behavior. (2 Corinthians 2:5-11) It is a problem many churches face today.
If the person being confronted is a friend, you may want some ideas about how to pray with him or her. Some suggestions and a sample prayer are in Couple Prayers – A Prayer for a Friend.
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